Relationship Timing: A Theory

A female friend and I came up with this during a conversation in one of the most bizarre dates in history about 10 years ago on St. Patrick’s Day of 2013. We were trying to figure out what time of the year was the best time of the year to start a relationship as a way of fixing whatever cosmic astrology nonsense that was going on in the feminist community at the time about relationships and matchmaking. This is what we came up with after some intense conversations.

First let me say I know way more now a decade later then I did on that night in 2013. It was close to the date Pope Francis came into power as the First Pope from the Americas. One thing I learned in the following years that could be something to be mindful of when it comes to relationships and psychology is the idea of conception. Catholics have holidays for saints, usually days they were born or days they died and sometimes they are days they were conceived, 9 months before they were born. Everyday is some kind of conception, death, birth day of some saint or some kind of important person in the Catholic religion. It is not at all expected for a normal parishioner to know all of these dates. There are probably very few priests who know them off the top of their head. Luckily the Vatican keeps good records and has them available for people if they were curious, all of these minor holidays are also available on the internet. The point being is that everyday of the year is dedicated to something in the Catholic Church.

But let’s just pick one person, Jesus, and two holidays to illustrate my point. Christmas is the day Jesus was born, Easter is the holiday of Jesus’s death and resurrection. I know know that it was a very early decision by some priests back in the 300’s or earlier to decide that Jesus was conceived immaculately the same day he was crucified. From the records, the dates just happened to have lined up like that, the legend has it that it took 12 days for the wise men to arrive in Bethlehem after his birth, and that is known as the feast of the epiphany. This is why even today in some parts of Europe they exchange gifts the first week or so of the New Year as opposed to December 25. Hence the song 12 days of Christmas being about gifts. So they counted back from that date of January 6th which is the date the wise men showed up 12 days to get to December 25 as the birthday of Jesus.

Easter celebrates the life of Jesus and his sacrifice along with giving a rebirth of faith to Catholics. This is why lent is 40 days before Easter and is a time for Catholics to sacrifice something so they can become more grateful for life. It is a good yearly reminder to recognize that it is okay to give something up, just to add something new later on. It teaches delayed gratification and there is a lot of secular psychology to support the benefits of delayed gratification. Any way as far as Easter is concerned the date not only celebrates the sacrifice of Jesus, it also celebrates new beginnings. The secret being that Jesus died and began 9 months before Mary gave birth on the same day, which is a miracle of timing only the almighty can do. My book History Happens Everyday has a brief discussion about why early Catholic priests almost 2000 years ago decided this, there was a small discrepancy in the date of the crucification in the early texts from the apostles, roughly a 3 week period sometime towards the end of March and beginning of April. Which is roughly close enough to being 9 months before December 25, so these early priests made decisions, the dates also matched well with pagan holidays at the time to easily try to make Christian.

Any way this is something that they didn’t really teach during mass, or in my very minimal Sunday school education. I had to figure this out while talking to my friend about relationships and holidays while driving my car around my hometown of Fairfield near the day the Pope came into power. I easily forget this event happened, even though I remember the dates and importance of them in the years that have followed. It was an intense date for both of us psychologically.

Any way this woman I was on a date with was not Catholic and did not understand what I was talking about when it comes to Easter or Christmas or Jesus. To her those holidays were about Santa Clause and Bunnies, which kind of does not quite cut it sometimes. So we continued on about relationships and came up with the following conclusions.

1. The optimum time of the year to begin a relationship with someone new is sometime during last two weeks of August and the first two weeks of September. Why?
   1. People are not quite desperate to get into a relationship for the holidays yet.
   2. People are also not quite free willy party animals at this later part of the summer as they were in the beginning part of the summer. It is the time when Summer is still going on, but it is on its way out, so people seem to be cooling off and calming down a little.
   3. Anybody can fake being a decent person for about 6 weeks which is about the time people need to go from fun and casual to, boyfriend girlfriend status. Hypothetically if a relationship begins towards the end of August, they have September to get to know each other and have fun, but then by October it becomes Holiday season and a perfect time to begin to cuddle and fall in love during the holidays. If a relationship begins in Spring it’s a longer slog to the Holiday season and the Holidays test any relationship. It’s best to know these things within the first 6 months.
   4. There are subtle hints about the holiday season coming up soon that begin popping up in stores like Costco, Wal Mart, or anywhere beginning in August and September. These little reminders help anchor in the idea that if you have someone new now, then you don’t want to lose them now because then you will be alone during the holidays, which nobody wants. So it’s kind of like capitalism is giving you an assist in your relationship without you needing to do anything. Which is kind of awesome.
   5. If you get through the holidays without killing each other then all the guy  needs to do is not be an asshole and do something to ruin the relationship for only 6 weeks until Valentines Day. Then it’s only a few more weeks to St. Patrick’s Day and maybe a Spring weekend getaway, followed by Easter. Then you experience your first summer together as a couple and then bingo bango you’ve been together for a year and the cycle repeats itself and you fall back in love again during cuddle season of the holidays.

Anyway to make this long story short. She left my car that night, which was followed by a bunch of drama between me and her (mostly my fault) during the early to mid part of the Summer. She met a Mr. Right (literally that’s his last name) sometime in August of 2013 and they have been together for 10 years married for many years and they have two boys and she’s super happy.

I’m not saying I helped her pull some kind of relationship miracle that night. But I’m saying that I may be onto something with this theory. Because before that night in my car, her track record for relationships was not the best. But afterward, it has been record year after record year for her. Which I am happy for her.

A similar story repeated itself with a different female friend of mine who began a relationship in mid August and is now engaged. But that’s a different story for a different time.

I also think that women can also become religious about their relationships. There is some kind of reason as to why the Vatican marks conception dates on the calendar, even though I may not know all the reasons to this psychology, much of it is about faith and beliefs. But I do think there might be something to people being psychologically sensitive events that happen 9 months before they are born.

Also History kind of Happens like this. Here is an example.

The USA adopted the Declaration of Independence on a July 4, in 1776. July 4 every year is the birthday of the USA. But if you look at what history has happened on October 4th you get a Vatican calendar history.

October 4:

• The last day of the Julian calendar for most of Europe, the Julian calendar had been in use for 1,600 years with the New Year beginning on April 1 and it calculated the year as being 365 days six hours, in reality a year is 365 days 48 minutes and 45 seconds. This difference in time was known for centuries before the 1580’s however, it was not until Pope Gregory the XIII decided to adopt a new calendar that the long awaited reforms were put into place. October 4 1582 was followed by October 15 1582 the following day; 1582. This change occurred in Catholic countries first and was seen as a Catholic plot by the Protestants for many decades later; Germany adopted the calendar in 1700 and when Britain adopted it in 1752 riots were reported to have broken out. October 4 is the last day of the Julian calendar; 1582.
• The United Nations permanent NYC headquarters is dedicated; 1949.

Britain adopted the Gregorian Calendar on September 2 1752, later on in 1945 Japan would surrender to the USA on September 2.

Every American is in a relationship with our constitution. There is about 9 months in between it being approved by the convention on September 17 and the final state of New Hampshire to ratify it on June 21. History is kind odd like this sometimes. If you think of the constitution as being conceived through debate and conversations and beginning it’s story in September… then almost 9 months later to the day it is birthed and approved and becomes a living document. 

This theory applies to relationships and history. If a relationship begins in August or September, and goes for 9 months then the 9 month date is the beginning of Summer in May/June. If a woman has a birthday around that time then she’s pretty much locked in. This also happens to be the time the constitutional convention began. 

I also did not know about these dates on that date back in 2013. But I have always believed history to have all the answers to life’s mysteries.