Sex and Manners

Sex and Manners



This is a taboo topic in American society. With the exception of the book, The Joy of Sex (Comfort 2009 )there is hardly any self help books out there that touch on this subject even with a significant amount scientific information and practical advice available for the public.

My family collects old books, on a wide range of subjects. One of the psychology books in my family library is a book published in 1953, Sex: Methods and Manners (Berg and Street 1953) In 2019, the United States of America is not even ready for what is in this book. Here is the first sentence of the introduction. “Not so long ago, the British Bar Association admitted that one of the principal factors responsible for English divorces is sexual
incompatibility.” (Berg and Street 1953)

The divorce rate in the 1950’s was around 20% of marriages ended in divorce. Today it is 40% of marriages. (“Broken Hearts: A Rundown of the Divorce Capital of Every State” n.d.) It is a reasonable educated guess to say that one of the reasons for divorces is due to one party being unsatisfied sexually. A husband or wife may seek sex outside of marriage, due to being unsatisfied. At the end of the day people are going to have sex however the way they have sex. But there are some old time information that can help.

Sex and Manners from 1953

1. Approach as if the woman is slow to arouse. This will entail embracing all elements of foreplay. 

2. Men should devote at least 15 minutes to foreplay unless otherwise directed by the female 

3. Required digital (as in hand) stimulation of the clitoris, both prior to and during female orgasms. 

4. Male should delay his climax until his partner cannot experience another orgasm. 

5. If the male can not delay his climax, he should engage in clitoral or vaginal stimulation until his partner is satisfied. 

6. A man apply himself to extending the female climax and ignore the features of the simultaneous orgasm unless the female requests it. 

7. The male/husband display some measure of post intercourse affection. 

8. Female body is not an instrument existing solely to satisfy the passion of the male. 

9. The man regards sexual desire as a natural urge, but restrians from behaviors that overemphasize his mood. 

10. Even in the privacy of her home or bedroom, a woman feels entitled to demand sexual dignity on the part of her husband/ partner. 

11. He avoids gloating over her nude body as she is disrobing or giving the impression that her nudity alone has the capability of stimulating desire. Such behavior can add to the self- consciousness, reserve, and over developed modesty which many women never lose. 

12. No self-respecting or intelligent male will badger his wife or urge intimacy upon her if she, for any reason whatsoever, is disinclined. 

13. The enjoyment of his wife’s/partner’s passion should occupy the foremost position in his mind. 

14. A man who insists upon his rights as a husband regardless of his wife’s rights as a human being is thoroughly deserving of the general reputation the male sex unfortunately bears, and is one of those responsible for it. 

(Berg and Street 1953, 153–57)

That’s literally a textbook definition of how to improve a hypothetical sex life from 1953. I understand that in 2019 arguing that we should take sex advice from the 1950’s is a little wacky. But I think these rules and manners from this 1950’s book on sex are just as applicable today, as they were back in 1953. 

(From my Book "Collected Writings" pp. 472-474)



She Comes First": A Reflective Dive into the Art of Female Pleasure

In a society that often remains hushed about the finer intricacies of female satisfaction, the book "She Comes First" by Ian Kerner emerges as a beacon of enlightenment. Evoking memories of classic texts like "The Joy of Sex" and the aforementioned "Sex: Methods and Manners", Kerner's work tackles the subject with equal measures of scientific insight and candid practicality.

Recall the age-old philosophies of sex from the 1950s, where the discourse seemed progressive for its time, yet tinged with the subtle hues of patriarchy. Against this backdrop, "She Comes First" can almost be perceived as revolutionary. The central tenet? The importance of prioritizing female pleasure, echoing sentiments from bygone eras, but with a renewed emphasis on mutual respect and understanding.

Dr. Kerner's book, in essence, delves into the realms of cunnilingus, stressing its significance not merely as an act but a profound expression of intimacy. It challenges the prevalent notions and endeavors to redefine masculinity in the sexual arena. It speaks to those looking for more than just historical reiterations; it's for the modern man and woman seeking nuanced understandings of intimacy.

As the divorce rates fluctuate and relationships evolve, understanding the crux of female pleasure becomes indispensable. In much the same way as our society once grappled with the revelations of older psychology books, "She Comes First" nudges the reader to confront and embrace a new sexual paradigm.

At the end of the day, sexual satisfaction is a two-way street. Much like the tips from 1953 aimed at guiding men toward understanding the female psyche, Kerner's book offers a roadmap to mutual satisfaction. And in doing so, it echoes a timeless message: the true essence of intimacy lies in understanding, respect, and reciprocity.

The Joy of Sex": A Glimpse into Intimate Human Connection in a Complex Era

When society stands on the precipice of understanding its own intimate desires, there emerges a tome like "The Joy of Sex". Its aura is reminiscent of other profound works, such as "Sex: Methods and Manners", yet it possesses its own unique voice in the intricate symphony of human connection.

The 20th century, with all its seismic shifts in culture and society, saw many veils lifted from topics once shrouded in mystery. Alex Comfort's "The Joy of Sex", published amidst such a backdrop, was not merely a guide; it was a declaration of the beauty and intricacy of human intimacy. From the poetic waves of desire to the intricate waltz of mutual satisfaction, the book paints a vivid tableau of love's many expressions.

While earlier eras might have hinted at the importance of understanding one's own body and that of one's partner, Comfort's work lays it bare. With illustrations and open conversations, it drives the reader to confront, appreciate, and ultimately celebrate their desires. It feels like an age-old dialogue, refined with modern sensibilities and delivered with an astuteness that captures the heart and soul of intimacy.

In a world grappling with changing relationship dynamics and evolving definitions of love, "The Joy of Sex" remains as relevant as ever. It's not just about the act but about the art of connecting. As older psychology books have shown us, there's a timelessness in understanding our deepest instincts. Comfort's book, in its own way, extends that dialogue into the realm of physical love, bridging the gap between history and modernity.

The essence of "The Joy of Sex" is thus not just about the mechanics of intimacy but about finding joy, understanding, and mutual respect in the dance of love.

Back to blog